Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Time is the Greatest Gift

Every Monday morning I drop Reece off at my parents place for a couple of hours. During this time Reece enjoys time with his nana and papa and I head to Starbucks to do a little studying for my doula course.  Reece looks forward to this every week and I know that my parents do as well.


The life we chose to live is quite different than the one I led growing up in terms of parenting, the foods we eat, the choices we make, and so on. I think a lot of parents in my community are in the same boat, leading a slightly different lifestyle than the one they grew up leading. This is not to say how I grew up was wrong, it is just different. Why is it different? I think simply because it is a different time. It is a time of consciousness, a time of living in tune with the earth, a time of change. We have more knowledge now then my parents had 40 years ago, that is just how it goes. Forty years from now when Reece is raising his children (yikes!) I am sure he and his partner will make choices different than the way he is being raised based on information they have at the time.
I find in my community of mamas the one question that always comes up is how to deal with grandparents...you know the sweets, the toys, and so on. I have to admit I don’t have this problem with my parents. Why? I think simply because we trust and respect each other.

While my parents don’t always agree with the decisions Justin and I have made and are making in regards to raising Reece and the lifestyle we live, they respect us and our choices.  They listen to our reasons for the decisions we make, and agree or disagree, it doesn’t matter, they respect them.
What does this look like for us? It means when I drop Reece off I bring his food. We eat a gluten free, dairy free, refined sugar free, vegetarian diet. That is a lot to deal with when you are feeding someone, so I make it easy and bring along his food. That doesn’t mean my parents can’t give him something else to eat, but they stick to fruits, vegetables, nuts and a cream cracker or two (I know this is not gluten free, but you have to give a little, right?). I can trust that they won’t give him candies, chocolate, ice cream or cookies, why, because I trust and respect them and they trust and respect me.

It also means no little gifts every time we visit. Reece has enough toys, and truth be told we have tried to limit his toys. We try to avoid plastic and instead choose more natural toys that lead to imaginative play.  Reece is the fourth grandchild, so I already knew from experience that this would not be an issue, my parents don’t buy a lot of “stuff” for their grandkids, which I truly appreciate.


So what does this all mean? It really means that each Monday when I drop Reece off he gets the best gift of all...TIME with his nana and papa. They take him to the park. They hit the creek to throw stones in the water. They play with toys from my childhood that my mom has kept all these years. They share a meal together. They laugh. They have fun. They make memories. And memories really are the best, because years from now the sweets, the treats and the toys will be forgotten, but the memories of the time Reece spends with my parents, those are forever.
And because I know you are reading this mom and dad, thank you.

21 comments:

  1. There is nothing like grandparents....they have time- the gift of time. My grandparents were as good as gold to me- a second set of parents- I love and miss them so.
    ...and by the looks of it, Reece loves to entertain his :)

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    1. Yes he does!!! So true, they have so much time to give :)

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  2. Great post - this is such a blessing and a challenge. It sounds like Reese has a wonderful relationship with his grandparents. Even with supportive grandparents, it is challenging to confidently support our own decisions when they're different then how we were raised. We often feel that struggle.

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    1. Thanks Gretchen, I feel it is a real blessing for us. Reece does have a great relationship with them.

      I will admit to more struggle in the beginning, internally, with the differences in our life and how I was raised, but that has dramatically decreased as my confidence as a mom has increased.

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  3. I'm not rushing my boys to grow up - you know I'm not - but I do look forward to being a grandmother. I know my boys have been so blessed by their grandparents and I've been blessed as well.

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    1. I think you will be a great grandmother Melissa :)

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  4. you are so lucky to have them so close by! All of our family is far, far away... and I feel sad that my kids don't get to spend regular time with their grandparents.

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    1. Yes, I know we are very lucky to have family so close. My in-laws a very close too.

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  5. I loved my grandma who spoiled me but also disciplined me. Your son sounds like he has the best of both worlds :)

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  6. This is beautiful Kim, Reece is very lucky. My parents live far away and so when they visit there is a little bit of things that normally wouldn't be that happen, but it is ok. An ice cream here or there or a new book are ok for us. Overall, my parents listen when we say no to things and explain that we do things differently. I am not sure they agree with them all but at least they try.
    He is so lucky to be able to spend that time with them, my mother would be jealous!

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    1. Thanks Jennifer. Reece is very lucky and I really think he knows that :)

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  7. Kim this is a great post. Thanks for sharing. I really admire the way you are bringing Reece up and it is great your parents respect your decisions. It is also wonderful you have them nearby, a win win situation. Take care. xxoo

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    1. Thanks Julie. It is a win win for sure, on all fronts.

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  8. What a lovely post! I wish I had someone near by that I could count on weekly like that. It would really give us all a sense of relief sometimes. I'm really happy to hear that your parents are so open to following your wishes. My mom is that way too. Though she needs a gentile remind sometimes. We're off to the airport tomorrow!

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    1. There are a few gentle reminders around here too every so often :)

      Enjoy your visit with you mom.

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  9. I'm commenting on the wrong post, however, I had to comment on this one. My husband and I were just talking about how our parents will be the same way. They're always so interested in what we're doing, and try their best to buy gifts that fit with our lifestyle. Today, my Dad dropped off a fancy sprinkler that could spray the whole garden. It's so nice to have great parents in that way.

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    1. That is so wonderful Allison, it really makes a difference when you are not struggling or facing challenges all the time. Love that your parents are interested in what you are doing and supportive.

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  10. I think your words are very important and wise. So important not to 'blame' our parents for what we perceive is 'wrong'. You're right - it's different. My parents have been a great blessing (and my in-laws too) and yet there are times that we don't see eye to eye. Letting love cover many faults and differences is important to foster good relationships. I'm sure we'll make mistakes and 'mistakes' with our grandchildren too. Hope that we all have the grace needed to deal with each other and the situations.

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