Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Ten Things

The leaves are gone, my friends, and we have had our first snowfall. It was magical, and pretty, and reminded me why I love the shifting seasons so much.

It is not only seasons that shift, but we do too, and lately I have been shifting. The shift feels good, and has me feeling centered and grounded in a way I haven't been for quite some time. The shift began a few weeks ago when I attended a women's retreat. During that weekend I dove deep into my truth, and peeled back more of the layers to find me. It's a process, discovering who you really are, finding the woman who is hiding under all the "stuff" we are told we need to be. It's been interesting, healing and inspiring.

Can I share with you how incredible a women's retreat is? It was my first one, and while I circle with my tribe of women monthly, and I have an amazing network of friends who love and support me, the retreat was a totally different experience. To be offered a sacred space to work out what's deep inside, to be held by beautiful women as you move through a range of emotions, to be able to cry, laugh, scream, dance, and feel safe doing so....that is an incredible feeling and one I think every woman should experience at least once in her lifetime. I know, without a doubt, I will be doing another retreat.

Life on the homestead is full. There are still chickens roaming around, a dog, a cat and her two litters of kittens and the various wild animals that wander around. It's fun, and exciting, and very funny at times. My little man loves it, and for that reason alone it is worth it.

For the last five months I have had a pile of garbage, a large pile of garbage, sitting on my driveway as I clean out space here on my land. When you live in a space for a long time stuff piles up. Now most of this stuff was indeed waste that should have been tossed a long time ago, but it wasn't and was left to pile up in the garage. And so slowly it has been cleaned out, and garbage piled, waiting for the day when I could have it collected. Well that day came last week, and I can't begin to tell you how freeing it was to have it all taken away. It was amazing, and I now have my driveway back.

Cleaning up this land and space is a process, creating what I want here takes time, but I have dreams and visions of what this space will become, of what it will offer, not only to my little man and myself, but all those that come here to share in our journey. It's exciting to think about the plans, to dream and I know it will be exciting to bring it all to fruition.

I continue to work and live here on the homestead. Four days a week I have kiddos here, and together we learn and grow. We wander the woods, we keep nature journals, we craft, we play, we learn how to get along with others, we share stories, and we have fun. My little man is blessed with an amazing group of children that share in his days, and I am grateful for that. On the weekends I offer circles for young girls, mentoring them as they transition from childhood to young womanhood. I can't share how gratifying this work is....it fills my heart and soul with such joy. I am ever so grateful to the families that allow me to walk this path with their daughters. And here and there I still offer workshops on various topics including soap making, herbal medicine, self care product making and more, and I continue to sell the products I make. I am passionate about all of it, and while it is the way I support my little man and myself, I am hard pressed to call it work.

Did you know boys eat a lot? Like.....a lot. There are days I wonder where he puts all the food he eats. Last night we had dinner, he ate every last bit of food on his plate....which by the way was homemade pizza, homemade sauerkraut and pickles, and a cucumber salad....and not even five minutes after getting up from the table, asked for a snack. I am not kidding. And he is only nine! What's gonna happen when he is a teenager.

We celebrated Martinmas on the weekend, one of my favourite festivals. We made our lanterns, and together the two of us lit them, sang our lantern song and shared the story of St. Martin. Our lanterns still sit on our dining room table, shining bright, reminding us that our inner light is strong and that we need to shine it bright during this dark time of the year.

I am grateful. For various reasons, which I cannot share in this space, life has been hard, but I am here. I am staying true to who I am in this beautiful mess called life. I am living my truth, and sharing my passions with others. I wake every day happy to be where I am, to be living this life, to be sharing my gifts. I have an amazing son who reminds me every day what a blessing it is to be alive and to be a mother. I have the most incredible tribe of women who love me and support me. I have a loving family who has stepped up and helped in ways I will never forget. This life, my life, is messy, it is hard, but it's mine and I couldn't be happier or more grateful for this path and the lessons I am learning along the way.

Tuesday, November 7, 2017


There are certain times each year I find myself reflecting, and early November is one of those times because it marks one of the biggest, most life changing moments of my life...it marks the beginning of my journey as a Mother.

My little man celebrated nine trips around the sun the other day, nine!!!! Can you believe that? I am still in the stage of how the heck is he nine, but here we are. I have tried my best to move slowly on this journey, to soak up each and every moment, and yet here I stand amazed at how fast time is moving. Each year seems to come at me faster and faster, and no matter what I do, or how many times I remind myself to slow down and take it all in, it still feels like a blur.

How did nine years pass by? How is it I still feel like a newbie in my role as Mother? And why, after nine years don't I have all the answers? I have come to accept that there is no way to be the perfect Mother because I am forever a student in this role. Every day I wake with no idea of what I will be expected to deal with. Some things are tiny, I handle them, pat myself on the back and move on. But some things are big, really big. And like the small things I handle them, pat myself on the back, and then question myself. Did I handle that well? Was it right? Was it good enough? I am sure every Mother does exactly the same thing, at every stage, from infancy to adulthood. It comes with the territory, doesn't it? Forever wondering if what we are doing is the "right" thing. But is there a "right" thing?

I have been reflecting on that a lot lately, as well as the journey of the last nine years, and I know now that I will never have it all figured out because, as a Mother, I am always learning. I am always growing. I am always changing. The gift of being a Mother is that each and every day I am allowed to take what I have learned from the day before and apply it to a new day. I am blessed with the best teacher in the world, for this little being has so much to teach me. And so I do what every Mother before me has done, I step forward, lessons in hand, and strive to be the best I can be for the little man who has chosen me to journey with him. Will it be perfect? Not a chance. Will I make mistakes? You bet I will. Will I ever figure it all out? Nope. But I will Mother in a way that feels true to my heart, and in a way that best supports the beautiful soul I am lucky enough to Mother.

As he begins his tenth trip around the sun I couldn't be more proud of the little man I am raising, and the young man that is beginning to shine through. He is loving and kind. He is honest and genuine. He is strong and resilient. He is creative and smart. He has a beautiful heart and a laugh that warms my heart and soul. He reminds me every day to live fully, to be present, to slow down. He is the greatest teacher I have ever had. He is an amazing human, and I am one lucky mama to be walking beside him on his journey.