Tuesday, November 7, 2017
There are certain times each year I find myself reflecting, and early November is one of those times because it marks one of the biggest, most life changing moments of my life...it marks the beginning of my journey as a Mother.
My little man celebrated nine trips around the sun the other day, nine!!!! Can you believe that? I am still in the stage of how the heck is he nine, but here we are. I have tried my best to move slowly on this journey, to soak up each and every moment, and yet here I stand amazed at how fast time is moving. Each year seems to come at me faster and faster, and no matter what I do, or how many times I remind myself to slow down and take it all in, it still feels like a blur.
How did nine years pass by? How is it I still feel like a newbie in my role as Mother? And why, after nine years don't I have all the answers? I have come to accept that there is no way to be the perfect Mother because I am forever a student in this role. Every day I wake with no idea of what I will be expected to deal with. Some things are tiny, I handle them, pat myself on the back and move on. But some things are big, really big. And like the small things I handle them, pat myself on the back, and then question myself. Did I handle that well? Was it right? Was it good enough? I am sure every Mother does exactly the same thing, at every stage, from infancy to adulthood. It comes with the territory, doesn't it? Forever wondering if what we are doing is the "right" thing. But is there a "right" thing?
I have been reflecting on that a lot lately, as well as the journey of the last nine years, and I know now that I will never have it all figured out because, as a Mother, I am always learning. I am always growing. I am always changing. The gift of being a Mother is that each and every day I am allowed to take what I have learned from the day before and apply it to a new day. I am blessed with the best teacher in the world, for this little being has so much to teach me. And so I do what every Mother before me has done, I step forward, lessons in hand, and strive to be the best I can be for the little man who has chosen me to journey with him. Will it be perfect? Not a chance. Will I make mistakes? You bet I will. Will I ever figure it all out? Nope. But I will Mother in a way that feels true to my heart, and in a way that best supports the beautiful soul I am lucky enough to Mother.
As he begins his tenth trip around the sun I couldn't be more proud of the little man I am raising, and the young man that is beginning to shine through. He is loving and kind. He is honest and genuine. He is strong and resilient. He is creative and smart. He has a beautiful heart and a laugh that warms my heart and soul. He reminds me every day to live fully, to be present, to slow down. He is the greatest teacher I have ever had. He is an amazing human, and I am one lucky mama to be walking beside him on his journey.