Monday, January 16, 2017

Continued Growth

I am finding great solace these days in my home, in my life, in this space. I have come here many times to write, but find myself staring at the blank document not quite sure what to share with you. As many of you shared your words, goals, intentions and desires for 2017, I sat back pondering exactly what I want 2017 to be about. And to be honest, I still am not totally sure.

Yes, I have set many goals for this year for work, for life, for my homestead, but it all feels safe, within my comfort zone, and I am ready to step out of my comfort zone. Towards the end of 2016 I walked a few of my edges, trying a few new things on this journey of discovering more of who I am. It was thrilling in many ways, a little scary, okay, a lot scary, and absolutely amazing. It's never easy to step out of your box, to do something unexpected, and it certainly has no guarantee of being a worthwhile experience, but if we don't do it, if we don't challenge ourselves to keep growing, learning and changing we stagnate, and if I am being truly honest, a little bit of who we are dies each day in that stagnation.

So, back to 2017...I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I want this year to be about. I do know I want to walk more of my edges, step out of the comfort zones I have created for myself. I am not sure what that looks like yet, but I do know that I will allow myself to be open to possibility, and I will look for opportunities that challenge who I am and step forward into them with courage, confident that they will help me on this continual journey of self discovery.

Now, tell me, friends, how are you doing with your intentions for 2017?

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Reflecting on the Darkness

Happy New Year!!! I hope you all had a wonderful time welcoming 2017, and are now settling in to this new year with an open heart, ready for what awaits you.

Around here I have spent quite a bit of time reflecting on the year that was, the year that marks the most difficult of my life. I have not shared any of the darkness that this year brought for many reasons, but the main reason was I didn't want to give it a voice in this space that brings me so much joy, and connects me to so many wonderful people. It was a hard year my friends, but as I sat reflecting over the last few weeks the darkness wasn't at the forefront, not at all, what kept coming back to me were the beautiful highlights of a year full of never ending love and support. You see every time a little darkness reared it's head my tribe of women and my family stepped right up, without hesitation, and lifted me up. Every single time.

Hugs, shoulders to cry on, someone to cry with, texts, love bombs, flowers, meals, someone to talk to, someone to watch my little man so I could squeeze in a little mama time, and so much more. These beautiful women along with my family, stepped up in so many ways to love and support me. When I look back over the year, I am amazed, and my heart lights up with love and gratitude.

It's that light that crowds out the darkness. It's that light that guides me forward on this journey. It's that light that reminds me that I am strong. It's that light that calls to me to continue to work towards my dreams and goals. It's that light that makes it possible for me to get up every day, and start fresh with a positive attitude. My tribe and my family are there by my side when I need them, but what they don't realize is that they are there in my heart every single moment, lighting me up and helping me find the magic in every single day.

So, yes, it's been a hard and difficult path this year, but it doesn't feel that way. Instead it feels like a beautiful journey, speckled with bits of darkness, that were easily wiped away with the love and support of my tribe and my family. I am forever grateful to have them all in my life, and appreciate beyond words how much they have all done, not only for me, but also for my little man, this year.

Saturday, December 31, 2016


A photo of my little man, once a month, on the last day of each month, in 2016

Reece, what a year, little man, and here we are on the last day of 2016 standing strong, together. It has been an unbelievable year with you, watching you learn, grow and change before my eyes, moving from little boy to young man. What a joy it has been. 

This morning, to celebrate the end of this year and the beginning of the new year, we grabbed our snowshoes and your new toboggan and headed out to our favourite trail. We snowshoed in, and then settled in at the big hill for some fun. And gosh, did we have fun! Together we flew down the hill, laughing the entire way. There were snacks to be enjoyed and warm cups of tea, and then more tobogganing before putting our snowshoes back on and heading back to the car. It was the perfect way to spend the morning and early afternoon. 

And tonight, well, we will settle in for a quiet night at home. There will be some special treats, sparklers outside, and a movie, and then I will tuck you in one last time for 2016. 

I love you Reece, more than you know, and I can't wait to see where 2017 take us.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Sitting in the Glow

How are you, my friends? I hope you are well, and have enjoyed a joy filled Christmas. I have been meaning to pop into this space to wish you a wonderful Christmas, to share a bit of our days, to just check in, but every time I sit down to write I am pulled away. Pulled away by the call of quiet, peaceful days with board games, walks in the snow, reading, playing, watching movies, and so on. That's what we've been up to, my little man and I, and we have enjoyed it immensely. We spent Christmas day at my parents home, and after that snuggled up at our home for days on end. We did sneak out yesterday to an afternoon matinee at the movie theater, a special treat gifted to us by a friend before the holidays, but other than that the days have been slow and easy, simple and quiet, sitting in the glow of the holiday season.

Now before you get the idea that our time at home this season has been all sunshine and happy, it hasn't. Like all families we have our messy moments too, and being at home, all day, just the two of us....yeah we have had our share of those moments. But that comes with life, doesn't it? The little dance between humans living, working, creating, and playing in the same space day after day. It isn't always pretty, and it isn't always an easy road, but it certainly is a beautiful road, a beautiful mess, and one I am grateful for.

So, yes, we have had our lovely Hallmark moments this week, and we've also had our not so lovely, messy moments too, but in all the glow, and in all the mess what I find is a happy contentment. My heart is happy, my soul is full, and my home, and life, are filled with love. There really isn't anything more I need. The simplest things make for a happy life, truly, and this season I am happy. 

Thursday, December 22, 2016

On Winter Solstice

The day began as any other, me and my mat in front of the fire, finding peace and calm with yoga and meditation. It was a quiet and comforting way to bring in winter solstice, and welcome the returning light.

Once centered for my day, an excited little man was up and celebrating in his own way, the shortest day and longest night of the year, by gearing up and heading outside. It was a beautiful morning, and we enjoyed some time outside in the yard together before coming in for breakfast.

The rest of the day was slow and easy. Time in the woods.....hiking, building ice fairy homes, following tracks and soaking up Mother Nature. Back at home we dug out the fire pit, lit a fire and let the light of the fire guide us into the darkest night of the year.

I took a few quiet moments to reflect on the last year as I sat by the fire, and then I slowly opened my journals from the last two years and added them page by page to the fire. It was therapeutic to watch as each page burned in the flames, pages of my story, my fears, my hurts, my loves, my life. I used a lot of those pages to work through the most difficult time of my life and that time is over now, and so the pages have served their purpose, and were no longer needed. Following the burning of those pages, I placed in the fire my intention bundle for the coming year. Written in the bundle are my hopes and dreams for the coming year, the things I want to accomplish, and the intentions I want to carry with me into 2017. It's a tradition I started quite a few years ago, and one I hold dear to my heart.

As the fire died on our solstice evening, what remained was our own light. It is that light that we will carry forward with us into the new year, a year that I have a feeling is going to be ridiculously amazing!

Happy Winter Solstice, my friends. May the returning light shine bright on you and your family. 

Monday, December 19, 2016

These Days

And so it begins, the slow and easy shift into the holidays. I realize not everyone does a slow and easy shift into the holiday season, but it is something we have practiced and perfected in our home over the years, and it feels just right, for us. We have tied up our homeschool lessons, the kiddos that join us on our homestead are home with their families for the next two weeks, and what lies  before my little man and I is space, open space to do what we want, when we want. It feels good.

We have no big plans for the next two weeks. Yes, there will be time with family and friends, definitely some tobogganing and snowshoeing, movie watching, crafting, and so much more, but there will also be quiet nights at home in front of the fire, and slow mornings snuggling in bed reading, together. Saturday night the two of us watched a Christmas movie together, both of us knitting away. It was perfect, and made my heart so happy.

It's quiet here as I type this, early on Sunday morning. My little man is still sleeping, the world outside my window is white, and the wind is picking up and swirling the snow. Inside my home is aglow with twinkle lights, and the fire is warming, not only my home, but my heart and soul. It's comforting, and calm, and fills me with a sense of peace, and joy.

I love this time of year, not for the crazy hustle and bustle that it usually brings, but instead for the quiet solace I find in not letting myself get caught up with the busy. I know some thrive on the busy, the unexpected. Not me. I much prefer the slow, quiet shuffle into the season, with a focus on finding space to just be, and tune into what it is my heart and soul needs.

My hope for you, my friends, is that this season is what you want it to be. Maybe it is busy and you enjoy the hustle and bustle, or maybe it is slow and simple, with a bit of quiet on the side. Whatever it is, sink into it, soak up the moments, and enjoy.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Eight Feels Big

My little man turned eight a month ago, and I still can't wrap my head around it. For some reason eight feels big. Really not much has changed, well with the exception of a bit of attitude and a little questioning of authority...I mean mom really doesn't know everything does she. But somehow it all feels so different.

I watch him sleep at night, his long body almost filling the length of the bed, arms and legs splaying everywhere, I see the changes in his face, the changes that make him look more like a young man instead of my little man, but then I hear the pitter patter of his little feet on the stairs at 4am when he sneaks up to my bed to snuggle and I feel his heart beating next to mine when he reaches out to give me a hug and I know my little man is still in there. He is walking the line right now, on the edge of something new, and he is testing it, trying it on for size, but then stepping back to the safety and comfort of what he knows.

It's interesting to watch, and has me wondering why eight feels so big. Maybe eight feels so big because he seems to be changing so much these days. There is growth physically, emotionally, seems every day something is new or different about him. Or maybe it feels so big because he is starting to let go and find his independence. He is walking his edges, taking chances he wouldn't have taken just a few months ago. Or maybe it's that I feel like it is all going so darn fast and I just want to stop time and soak up extra moments with him. Whatever it is, eight feels big, really big.

So, when my eight year old sneaks into my bed in the early morning hours, I don't shoo him away, I pull the covers back and tell him to snuggle up, because one day soon he isn't going to sneak into my bed. And when he asks for just one more snuggle when he should be sleeping, I will walk right back into his room and snuggle him close, because one day soon he isn't going to ask anymore. And when he reaches out for a big hug, or asks me to hold him I will do exactly that, because one day soon he might not ask.

So yes, eight feels big, big in a way that makes my heart ache, big in a way I didn't imagine. My little man is growing up, in a big way, and all I can do is continue to enjoy the ride.