Thursday, February 21, 2013

A Journal Entry



I find it hard to say no.
I like to help, to give, to share.
It makes my heart feel full to know I have helped make today a little better for someone else.
But I am at a point right now that has me asking why?

Sometimes I can put too much of myself out there.
I help too much, I give too much, I share too much.
It can sometimes leave me empty,
Questioning why I do it.

I am in that place right now.
It means something has to change.
What, I don't know,
But something...

I had a lovely conversation with a friend the other day.
A few days have passed and I have been pondering some things.
What keeps coming back to me is this:

I need to do some reflecting.
I need to take a good hard look at the helping, giving and sharing I do.
I need to determine if they are in my best interest.
Yes it does make me feel good,
But if too much of it leaves me empty,
Questioning,
And looking for the why,
Then maybe I need to reel it in a bit.
Maybe I need to say no sometimes.
Maybe I need to take a step back.

It is hard, to look deep inside.
To look for the answers that only you can find.
I am looking, searching,
Trying to find a balance.
A balance that will allow me to help, to give and to share,
Just enough,
While still feeling the fullness of it all.

It is there,
The answer.
I will find it.
This process, right here,
Writing it down,
In words,
Has already brought some clarity.
Now, more reflecting,
More searching.
It will come,
If I just give it time.

22 comments:

  1. I think it's a nurturing woman's curse, because that's what you are, to give too much. And no one else is going to tell us to stop but ourselves. Hope you find your balance!

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    1. You are so right, I have to take the lead and make sure I choose wisely where I give my energy. Working on it :)

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  2. I think finding that balance is so hard. I often find that I leave myself for last, and in the end, I am not a happy camper. Good luck!

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    1. Exactly what I don't want to do anymore :)

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  3. The fact that something is picking at you making you rethink means something needs to change. Whatever that change might be. I think it's a good thing to reassess frequently. What works one day, month, year, might have to be altered scaled down, or changed. Being a good mother is being at our best whatever our best is. Good luck as you reflect.

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    1. Yes!! I agree, and I am looking forward to the process of decluttering my life :)

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  4. It's so hard to find the right balance - especially because the right balance is something only you can decide! I'm due for some reflection time as well.

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    1. It is. I hope your reflection time if productive Gretchen :)

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  5. Best of luck with your soul searching. And may you find balance.

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  6. I understand this very well Kim. It is at times very challenging to set our own limits. Saying "no" can be difficult, but we have to do it sometimes to make sure we have enough of ourselves for, well, ourselves. Sending you love as you find your way through this. ox

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  7. Oh Kim, I know the place you're in and it is not easy. I think sometimes something in us just tells us it's time to step back a bit. Hoping you find clarity soon. Beautiful tree pics, by the way!

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    1. I am listening to that something Kristen, already made a few decisions today to let go of a few things. It feels good. Thank you.

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  8. that's such a hard place to be in. I think that you are taking a beautiful step talking, writing and thinking about it. it will come to you over time what is best approached differently.

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    1. It is, but already I am feeling a shift. Some significant changes have been made since this post, they needed to be made. The difference is amazing and I am feeling lighter and freer. Still more decisions to make as to what else needs to change, but so far so good.

      Thank you :)

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  9. You are such a kindhearted and generous person and that is such a wonderful thing, but I think it's understandable to have to step back and re-evaluate now and then, making sure you are doing what is best for you while still keeping those wonderful traits of yours. I know you will figure it all out and find a nice balance.

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    1. Your are too kind Sara, thank you. It has been a wonderful weekend of reflection and I am feeling so much better. Not sure I found the right balance yet, but I have decided where my energies are best put to use.

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  10. I should never try commenting from my phone.... Thank you for letting us into your heart and head! I really like being able to connect with you on a personal level sometimes. :) I'm glad to know your journey to simpler life is really lightning the load. Have a wonderful weekend!

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  11. I understand, Kim, so very much. It feels selfish, I know, to put ourselves first sometimes, but the boundaries we create can be a place that we leap from, not necessarily a thing that keeps people out.... or us in...Someone told me once and I have never forgotten it--sometimes we don't know our limits until we've passed them, this is how we learn :). Much love to you as you continue to make your heart healing changes my friend, but I hope you never change the giving spirit that you are!!
    xo

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    1. It does feel selfish, but it must be done, and I do hope the new boundaries will be a place I can leap from. Limits, oh yes, I have reached them and completely understand now and am learning. It has been a wonderful weekend of soul searching and determining where my energies are best spent. It feels good and I know in the end it will all work out.

      Thank you for your kinds words MJ, they are appreciated :)

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