Thursday, October 23, 2014

Evening Rhythm and Activities


This post, from a few weeks ago, has generated a lot of interest (big thanks to those of you who shared it or pinned it). With so many reading it, I have had some emails with other questions that I hope to be able to answer through a few posts. One question that keeps popping up is how do we fit in/schedule extracurricular activities. There is a very simple answer, we don't.

I know for some this is hard to imagine, but it is what works for us. There are a number of reasons for our decision, but the one that holds the greatest weight is that we are not ready to disrupt our family life for activities. We have made a commitment to a slow, simple life, we have decided that we want to leave "busy" behind so we can sink into life and really soak it up, and we enjoy our family rhythm in the evenings and are just not ready to give that up yet with a lot of running around to activities.

We made this decision almost three years ago. Back then we did participate in a music class, but when all the children in the class turned four, and school called, our daytime class, which fit so lovely into our mornings, was moved to the evenings. Living rurally, we had a 30 minute drive, one way, to any of the three or four cities where we could do activities and that weighed heavily on my mind. As I tried to figure out an evening rhythm that might work with some of the activities that are common for young children, I actually got a pit in my stomach. I saw myself rushing to get dinner, hurrying Reece to eat so we could leave, pushing him out the door to the activity, and then rushing home for bath and bedtime. I pictured myself crashing on the sofa at the end of the night, exhausted and not motivated to do any of the things that I love to do, you know the things that make me happy, and make my heart sing. As Justin and I talked about it, we decided we wanted to protect our family dinner, we wanted to hold onto our evening rhythm, and we just weren't ready for the hustle and bustle that comes with evening activities.

So, over the last few years we have done just that, enjoyed our evenings. Each season offers a different perspective on our evening rhythm. Spring, and the return of light in the evenings, means the start of our after dinner family walks. In the summer dinners are enjoyed leisurely on the back deck, there is lots of playing and running around into the night, and then the work of trying to convince our little man that he should come in for a bath when the sun is still shining. Fall finds us soaking up the last bits of light after dinner with some outdoor play, and sometimes a walk in the fading light. Winter find us snuggling up and playing indoors after dinner. Our evenings are full, but full in a way that makes us happy, and content.

For now, this is what works for us. I know Reece will one day find interest in activities outside our home, and then things will change, but for now we will hold onto and treasure our family evenings together.

29 comments:

  1. When mine were little we did not do evening activities except dance once a week. Once dance was over at the age of seven, piano classes took over and those were in the afternoon. I wanted most of our evenings to be at home, relaxing and enjoying each other's company. However, I'm a morning person and I think that factored into the evening lulls.

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    1. Hearing that Karen, and knowing you and your family, I am so happy to hear that. I am hoping next year to fit in some music lessons for Reece, but like you will work it into our daytime schedule so it doesn't effect our evenings.

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  2. I love so much your point of view. I think it's all about balance: every one of us need to find their own way. For me the more I release my life from activity, commitments and habits that I don't feel useful anymore, the happier I am.

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    1. Thank you! I love what you said about releasing yourself from things that don't feel useful to you anymore, so much of what we do sometimes is for others, and doesn't always makes us happy. At some point we have to find that balance and carve out time for us. It is important for our happiness, as you say.

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  3. I second this with all my heart. For us, we are holding on to the precious time we have together before interests and desires take them away from the home. I feel that they benefit so much from being grounded and thoroughly attached to home and its rhythms and routines. I see it anyhow in my own children.

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    1. YES! YES! YES! I see it in my little man too Alexa.

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  4. I totally get that. We are not very big on evening activities as well. With our daughter, we were all about swim classes, circus schools... she would have something going on every week-end and it just completely killed our family time. We could never plan week-ends away or just sleep in. So with Little Man, we have gone another route : One of play dates and free time to be instead of convincing ourselves that he needs all this stuff. We do have some obligation with our Tao teachings one night a week, but that for hubby and me is spiritual nourishment so it doesn't feel like a chore. The kiddos have also become accustomed to their night with our darling and very trusted babysitter. They look forward to it and barely notice us leaving. But mostly, our evenings have become our precious time with dad after he,s home from work. Now, to only work on the week-ends and actually start feeling like I'm not running through them. We'll get there! :-)

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    1. Thanks Yanic. Your weekends will come. Being aware that you want to slow them down, and making an effort to start slowing them down are the first steps. Then you get a taste of slow weekends, like you did a few weeks ago, and you start to want more of them. So you make it a priority, and before you know it life in the slow lane is the norm. xo

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  5. Smart.
    You will not regret this Kim...we were the same way when the kiddos were younger...now as teens life is different, but I see how this slow pace has benefited them and their life. I think sometimes people think the more "things- activities" you stuff in their life the happier they will be...I don't think that is the case for the child nor the parent.

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    1. Thank you Camilla. I know one day, life and our evenings will get a little busier, but I hope, like you said, that the slow simple pace of childhood will benefit Reece in the years to come as well.

      I so agree with you on that. Rushing from activity to activity, rushing through meals, rushing to get to bed...not good for parent or child.

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  6. Thank you for your courage to place family first. We also live 30 minutes from any activities in our community and have found our children need the evening time to decompress from school and just be themselves with out pressure and added stress. This also makes wonderful family time for talking, teaching, and just enjoying each other. Would not miss this time for the world.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words :) It sounds to me like you have the courage to put family first too. Your evenings sound lovely, and I can imagine that your children love having the time to just be. Enjoy!

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  7. I'm so glad you wrote this post Kim and stated that this is what works for 'your' family. Each of us is different and needs to find what works for our own families. I am so thankful that I am able to have a slow and quiet live, but have a friend who thinks I'm nuts for the way I live, I say to each his own.

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    1. Haha, yes Tracey, we are all different and have different priorities. I just thought I would share how we do it since I have had so many emails and questions. I am in the same boat, friends who are always on the go, and I look at them and think no way, that is crazy :)

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  8. I couldn't agree more! Our evenings and our family dinner each night is so very important to us that we don't have evening activities either. The girls do attend some classes in the afternoons but when it comes to nights and weekends we just don't do it. Much like you said, protecting our family time is our top priority so we've always made it a point to not cram too much in. There was one time last winter/early spring where we had taken too much on. There are so many wonderful things for homeschoolers that sometimes it's hard to say no but it became plainly clear that it was too much and that we needed to step back and step away. And pretty much as soon as we did our peaceful and harmonious days returned! Much like your family our family thrives on a simpler, slower pace and I think that will always be the case. We really do like being home and being together far too much after all and after our reality check last late winter/early spring I don't think we'll be messing around with our pace/rhythm like that again any time soon! :) xo

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    1. I knew you would agree Shel. I remember us chatting about that time in an email, it sometimes takes us getting caught up in the craziness of life to make us stop and step back. I love that you noticed that your peaceful and harmonious days returned, and I bet it also made you realize how much those meant to you. It is hard to live in peace and harmony when we are running around, and don't have time to truly connect with each other and home.

      We are homebody's too, and really enjoy being at home.

      Thanks my friend. xo

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  9. Thanks for this post! Our eldest is only 5 and already most of his friends are in activities, and these are families that really value simplicity. At first we felt a bit left out listening to what everyone was doing, and then, like many I started to question if we were missing out on an important part of child. But, I try to remind myself that everyone's form of simple is different. Ours happens to be very simple, and it works best for us!

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    1. My pleasure, thank you for dropping by :) It is hard not to get swept up in the excitement of activities, and doing what everyone else is doing. We almost did. Like you, it was that nagging question in the back of our minds about childhood, and what we wanted for our family that helped us come to our decision to focus on family, and not get involved in activities for now.

      Yes, we all view simple in different ways, and that is okay :)

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  10. I love your honesty, and those evening are so important. This year we also decide for issa not to take judo class for the moment (last year he did) and come back quietly at home with time for playing and just be in the garden... and no more rush for me at the end of a work day... (or a bit fewer)...

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    1. Thank you! Those decisions are hard, but the benefits for everyone are so wonderful. So happy you are enjoying calmer, less rushed evenings with your family.

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  11. Thanks Rosemarie. I am so happy that time is over for you too, I can imagine how crazy it was. Enjoy the peaceful calm family nights. xo

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  12. I love this, I think most kids benefit from what keeps everyone in sync. My girls are nearly 8, and I still feel like these things often aren't worth it. I think sometimes you just know when things will work and the time is right. I've had to take some time to focus on my health and so we have the girls in school right now, and it's harder sometimes to catch that sweetness that you describe. I'm glad that you are sharing what works for you, and that you are in such a good place. And I think it's true, even as my girls are out more in the world - all of the time we spent at home makes it easy for them to come back.

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    1. Thanks Carlin. I think that is a huge part, weighing out if the activities are worth it, and what role they play in the big picture.

      That last line...makes it easy for them to come back, YES!!!! And isn't that what we want, a place they can always come back to.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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  13. I think no activities are perfectly fine. We have only two activities one is a group gathering of other homeschoolers at a park on tuesdays and the other is archery which is 5 minutes from our house. S requested with much enthusiasm to take archery after months of interest.

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    1. Don't get me wrong KC, we do activities, just not in the evening. That is our family time, and we cherish it.

      I do take Reece swimming in the fall and spring, and during the winter we skate, all on a bi-weekly basis, in the mornings. And we have our nature adventures with friends on Wednesday mornings.

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  14. i am very protective of our evening time. i think i am a morning person but b. gets home in the evening and it make sense for us all to be together with as little stress as possible.

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    1. It is a good way to be. Evenings are about family here, and we will try to keep it that way as long as possible.

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  15. Your evenings sound wonderful, and I hope you hold on to them for a long time to come.

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    1. Thank you Sally. We are certainly going to try to hang onto them. I know a day will soon come when Reece will want to participate in some kind of activity, but for now we will savour them. xo

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