Wednesday, May 6, 2015

{On Mothering}

Join me this week, as we head into Mother's Day, for a little series called {On Mothering}. 
I have asked four bloggers, and mothers, to share a little something from their mothering experience. 
The only information I gave them was the title of the series, the rest I left up to them. 

Today I welcome Emily from Mousy Brown's House

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Good Enough





When Kim asked me to join in with a blog series {On Mothering} on her blog, my initial reaction was one of panic.  What would I be able to say that others would want to read? And perhaps even scarier than that, what if everyone discovered just how lacking in knowledge I am? How imperfect my mothering has been…

Then I sat and reflected on my feelings and decided that these reasons were exactly why I should push myself to do it, no matter how uncomfortable it felt.  Because I think that these are feelings that many of us share…that we are not “good enough” and that everyone else is somehow doing it so much better than we are.

I clearly remember a conversation with a close friend a few years after the birth of my second son.  Although we didn’t know each other at the time, she had been on the same hospital ward as me, as our children were born only a day apart.  She was remembering how she had been sitting nervously with her first newborn baby and she had spotted me at the other end of the room.  I was breast feeding with confidence, my older child sitting next to me with a book and she wished she could be more like me…my memories of that time are completely different!  I was in pain from the caesarean I had just experienced, I was terrified about how I would cope with two children to care for, I felt guilt that my elder child would soon be going home without me and far from feeling confident about breast feeding, I was worrying that it didn’t feel as easy as it should and I was frustrated that having already fed my older child successfully, I was still feeling the need to ask for help.

So often, I think, Mothering is about trusting yourself to do the best you can and about being kind enough to yourself, to forgive the times when what you do falls short of the high expectations you (or others) might have.

Now my sons are older (13 and 17), I wish I could go back to that younger me and reassure her of the good job she is doing.  To show her the lovely young adults her babies have become.

Mothering, for me, has been and still is the biggest learning experience of my life.  It has taken me at times to the lowest of lows and at others (or sometimes even at the same time!) to the highest of highs.  It has required of me the biggest of sacrifices and patience from reserves that I didn’t know I had.  It has gifted me with more moments of exquisite happiness than I ever thought I would experience.  It challenges me on a daily basis and I hold its scars both mentally and physically but much like the pain of childbirth itself, all the harder aspects of Mothering fade to nothing when compared with the intense joy and overwhelming love that our children bring to our home.

26 comments:

  1. Important point...mothering is about being kind to ourselves. Aren't we just so hard on ourselves sometimes? It's just not fair. To teach kindness to our children, we must have it for ourselves. Nice post!

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    1. Thank you Jen, I think as mothers we are often so busy being thoughtful and kind to others that we forget to be kind to ourselves! And you are so right about needing to teach our children those skills by modelling them ourselves... :)

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  2. Nice post, very good and interesting reading. Thanks for sharing it!

    Lluisa xoxo

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    1. Thank you Lluisa, I appreciate your kind words :)

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  3. Beautifully said! And I could not agree more! I am in the thick of this amazing and transforming learning experience!

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    1. Thank you Sylvia...I hope you enjoy every moment of that journey! :)

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  4. I wonder if it's a universal thought that all mother's wonder if they are doing it right? Not sure, but I too know that every once in awhile those nasty thoughts would creep in, but then I would tell myself not to compare myself to others and to do the best that I could do, and be happy with that. Your line...
    'it has taken me at times to the lowest of lows and at others to the highest of highs' is something I have experienced over and over....pretty well sums up motherhood in my book. :)
    Great looking young men you have there. Happy Mother's Day.

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    1. Thank you Tracey! I think they are gorgeous but I think I might be biased! :)

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  5. How differently people perceive us than we perceive ourselves. I'm so glad you decided to write this! It was lovely read.

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    1. I am so glad you enjoyed it, thank you for your kind words x

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  6. This really resonates with me. Becoming a mother was, and continues to be, my most life changing event. Imperfection and the perceived need to meet expectations (usually my own) continue to be challenges, even seven years into it :) I'm really glad you wrote this post too, thanks Emily and Kim. xx

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    1. I'm so glad you enjoyed it Chrisy...I hope it gets easier for you to be gentle with yourself, imperfection can be just wonderful! Thank you for your kind words :)

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  7. This was a lovely read, and my favourite part - your last sentence.

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  8. A dear friend of mine once said, and I carry it with me often, that "we are forever comparing our insides to to other people's outsides." It's so easy to listen to that little voice who keeps asking us why we haven't figured it all out when it seems like everyone else has. I wonder sometimes what my children will tell me when they've grown up. Will the things I felt a complete failure at in mothering be the things they wish were different? Will they remember sharing in the moments that felt so magical to me? Or will their perception be completely different with their own ups and downs? I love your last sentence as well--the reminder to not get caught up in the scars but to embrace the good, which I for one, have to work not to take for granted.

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    1. Your friend was very wise, I love that advice they gave you...very important to remember I think! I know what you mean about perceptions too...I am already noticing that the things I thought my children would treasure sometimes mean nothing to them...And the bits I worry went badly, they don't remember at all...I think in the end we can only do our best and that as long as I am honest, loving and show them respect they will hopefully forgive me for the less than perfect bits on the way...
      It has been lovely to meet you through this series Coco, I am so grateful to have been involved :)

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  9. I think we all feel this way from time to time as mothers and as women. It is hard to see ourselves as doing the best we can and being kind and compassionate with ourselves as we are learning how to mother our children along the way! Thanks for the beautiful and inspiring message! :)

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    1. Thank you for your kind words Tiffany, I have enjoyed seeing everyone's posts and meeting such a lovely group of Mothers through this series x

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  10. Your post brings it home for me. So many of your words have gone through my head repeatedly. Thank you for sharing you thoughts (and fears) and remind us just how much we are all the same.

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    1. I agree! We are all so much more alike than we think...I'm glad you enjoyed the post Yanic, Thank you for taking the time to leave such kind words :)

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  11. Oh how funny that you were both at the hospital at the same time - and how different your recollections are! It's a reminder to be gentle with ourselves and remember that we're learning too!

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    1. It was such a wonderful lesson to learn Carle! I think trying to see ourselves with the kindness we do others is a reminder a lot of us need :)

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  12. i love that you took your feelings and realized what we all needed to hear... or what i needed to hear anyway. thank you. thank you. thank you. this brought me to tears today.... in the best way.

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    1. Oh thank you Jenny! I'm so glad it spoke to you...sorry about the tears but I'm glad they were good ones! Take care :)

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