Discovery

Things around here have been exciting. When I say exciting, I mean I am having a great time discovering me, or maybe I should say re-discovering me. After being in a relationship for the last 24 years I am stepping out of who I used to be, or who I was expected to be, and stepping into who I am, and who I want to be. This is not to say that I have not been “me” but that “me” was always attached to someone else, and well, now it isn’t.

I find it hard to put into words what is going on, except to say I am finding bits of me that have been tucked away for a long time, and as those bits of me come to the surface I am enjoying the act of combining them with the current me. A few weeks ago I shared that I felt like the old me was back, and that is true, but it's a different old me, it's a me with experience, a me that has learned many lessons on this journey.

I will be the first to admit that over the last four or five years I have enjoyed stepping out of the labels that once use to follow me, and have chosen to uncover the layers of who I am without those labels. That process has given me courage and confidence to put the real me out there, and it has always felt good. But now, with a major life change tossed my way, more layers are being chipped away, slowly and intentionally, and what is being discovered is a new version of me. None of it feels drastic, although some in my life might make it seem that way. Instead I am asking the questions what makes me happy now, and what will make me happy as I move forward, and those answers are leading me to make changes. 

Many people are afraid of change, but at this stage in my life, with all the changes I have been through already, change feels kind of freeing, and maybe it is that way because these changes are on my terms. I am making active, intentional choices, and after not having a choice in the end of my marriage, it feels good to take control again.