Monday, April 27, 2015

Fleeting


I'm a morning person, always have been, always will be. But then I became a mother, and this sweet little being that I birthed into the world decided mornings were for cluster feeding and snuggling. So I did what all of us mothers on this journey do, I surrendered. I sank into those mornings, moving between sleep and consciousness as my little man nursed on and off, slept and snuggled close. Every once in awhile, especially as he got older, I would try to sneak out of bed and reclaim my mornings, but it wasn't to be. For five and half years we spent the early morning hours doing what we did in his early days, snuggling, nursing and sleeping. Slowly the morning nursing came to an end, he stopped waking so early to snuggle, and I managed to slowly reclaim my mornings, for real this time. I thought with the shift, I might begin to hear the pitter patter of little feet when he woke up, sneaking out of his room to find me, but instead I hear his little voice calling "Mommy", and I go to him. I climb in under the covers, and we snuggle. We don't say much at first, I let him slowly take in the day, and I breathe in every bit of him, and then I say our little morning verse,

"The light opens up and I walk in,
the day invites me to begin.
I ask the day how shall I start,
says the day, with a wish upon my heart."

I ask him about his wish for the day, and I share mine. We snuggled a little longer, chat about the day ahead, and then get up and begin to move through our morning rhythm.

As I laid snuggling with him one morning last week, and he curled in tightly to my arms, I realized how fleeting these mornings are. Once last week, it was Justin he called, and a few weeks ago I did hear the pitter patter of little feet as he quietly got up. I know the day will come, far too soon, when our morning ritual together will end, so for now I sink into each and every one, soaking up this precious time with my little man.

38 comments:

  1. they are fleeting and sweet, I remember those baby days, toddler days, early childhood then boom teenage years when they would sleep the entire morning away! I love that you still have those snuggle mornings and can savor them.

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    1. I can just imagine how lovely it is to think back and remember it all Karen. I will savour them as long as I can :)

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  2. It really is so fleeting...wait till he is a teen... if Reece is like mine... it'll be like pulling teeth getting him up from sleep!!!

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  3. Our children grow so fast. I can relate to your mornings with being called and sometimes hearing little footsteps. Sometimes it feels like I blink and they've changed on me.

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    1. A blink of an eye for sure around here, especially these days. So much growth!

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  4. Hugs to you my fellow mama, it's bittersweet.

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    1. Thank you Tracey, feeling that hug right now. xo

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  5. What a beautiful morning ritual...

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  6. It's funny how rituals like that come and go. I'm glad I wrote so much down b/c I completely forget how our first was as a baby, how our second was at eighth, etc. Right now I have the best nightly time with our third. He finishes nursing, but, being two and a half he doesn't seem to fall asleep as quickly as he used to, so I take him downstairs lie on the couch and sing him a few songs (yes, his favourite is the Hockey Song :) and then lie there until he falls asleep. It's really nice for me since I was never really good at putting the other two kids to bed - they mostly fell asleep nursing.

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    1. That is so sweet, I am sure you both love that time of the night.

      And yes on the rituals, although I don't like to think of them going, more evolving into something slightly different :)

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  7. Oh Kim thank you for this reminder. Motherhood is one big surrender isn't it? And just when we surrender and sink into one thing it is time for us to change & surrender into something else. <3

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    1. YES, one big surrender! So happy this spoke to you Jen. xo

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  8. Doesn't it seem as if each day, each month, and each year passes more quickly than the one before it? I do so wish that time would slow just a wee bit, but am grateful to be able to record so much here to reflect on and remember later. I am also glad for our slower pace of life so that even more doesn't pass by even quicker! Enjoy having your mornings back, though I know how bittersweet a thing that is too. xo

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    1. It does Shel, although I feel pretty lucky to be able to sink fully into motherhood and really soak it up.

      Thank you, I am loving my mornings, it has almost been a year that I have reclaimed them, and they are so grounding and centering for me now. xo

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  9. Nothing marks time more definite than children. It seems to go so quickly, but then in each moment there's opportunity isn't there? Challenge is to remember that.
    I'm really feeling it at the moment, Bella is turning 7 in May. How did that happen? Where has my baby gone? We've been watching some home movies lately, and got to say....that's not helping any ;) She's growing up too quickly.

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    1. So true my friend. Always opportunity to slow down, surrender and sink into it, always.

      Wow, 7! She is no longer a baby. Amazing how fast they grow.

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  10. Oh my goodness, that brought back so many memories... Sometimes I look at our girls and wonder where the time went and how quickly they seemed to grow up. There are times I do miss it, but they have been replaced by different, but equally good things. :-)

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    1. That is so lovely to hear Anke. I love that I am sharing this journey with mothers that are all at different stages. Hearing that it just keeps getter better makes these bitttersweet moments a little bit easier to handle.

      Thank you. xo

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  11. Enjoy every moment.

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  12. Sigh. What a wonderfully quiet and conscious way to start the day. These are the moments I think we miss out on with the three wild ones running about ;) But we have our own little moments and they are all fleeting of course. What a special memory you will have to share with each other when the time for this ritual has passed.

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    1. Thanks my friend. I can imagine it might be a little chaotic with more than one kiddo in the house. You are right, they are fleeting, evolving and changing as our children grow.

      I know I will always hold these mornings in my heart, and I do hope Reece will remember them. Only time will tell.

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  13. Isn't it so amazing to be able to be home with our babies enjoying these mornings rather than rushing about off in separate directions for the day? I'm so grateful for this!

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    1. Oh yes, so very grateful for the lifestyle we have been able to create for our family. It allows us to really sink into our mornings, and our days for that matter, and leave the rush of life behind. Wouldn't change it for the world.

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  14. How I feel you with every word... Our little miss walks out of her bedroom fully dressed most morning now, asking if I can help her bring out the coloring pencils and her sketch books, ready for the day without even a hug unless I steal it from her. But my little man still enjoys a good stretch and snuggle. Actually, it's just about the only snuggle we get with him (such a little independent fella) and I'm fully taking in every moment. Enjoy them... imprint them in your heart ad mind.

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    1. Oh you know I will. Those morning snuggles are the best, and our time together before we start our day is so grounding and centering for both of us. I will hold onto them as long as I can.

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  15. I know this feeling so well. Sometimes I whisper to them while they sleep 'stop growing so fast...'

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    1. It is hard, watching it all go by so fast. Keep whispering, maybe one day they will listen :)

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  16. What a beautiful way to start the day! I really like that verse too.

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  17. Oh what a beautiful post and a wonderful morning tradition. So much of early parenting is so fleeting when you look back on it, though it becomes your whole world when you're in it!

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    1. Thank you Carie. It is, and so very true :)

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  18. I'm feeling very much the same with night time rituals at the moment. I had 2 nights on the trot earlier this week where I had to be out for bedtime (pretty much unheard of!) and I missed the books and the cuddling and discussing the day so much, it was like a physical loss. And the thought of how fleeting these rituals are is scary to me. Enjoy those morning snuggles X

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    1. It is strange to see things changing, feeling the loss of what was, and accepting what is to come...all part of motherhood.

      It is a little scary saying good bye to these rituals, but I think what helps me move through it is knowing different rituals will take their place. They won't be the same, but they will offer the same connection, just in a different way.

      Hugs mama. xo

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