Dear Reece

Well, little man, today you are eight. Eight years ago you came into my life, made me a mama, and you have held my heart in your hands ever since. It is hard for me to explain just how blessed I feel to mother you, to be with you on your journey, to witness the person you are becoming. Each day with you is a blessing, yes even the days that are tough. I think the tough days bring us closer together, they force both of us to learn about ourselves and each other, and help us come together as a stronger team. You and I are a team, little man, a great team, and we are facing the challenges, enjoying the good times, and soaking up life in the most wonderful way, together.

You are amazing, little man, and I am so excited to see where your next trip around the sun takes you. Happy birthday sweet boy, I am so proud of you, and I love you.

A Day in the City

A certain little man turns eight this week, yes, eight!!! Can you believe that? I am still trying to wrap my head around it. Time really keeps on moving, and it seems to move a little faster with each passing day. There really is no way around it, and I have learned that the best thing to do is just jump in and soak up each and every day as best as you can. It's what I have done, and exactly what I intend to keep doing.

Celebrating birthday's around here has always been pretty low key, and this year things are the same. Last week my little man and I worked together to redecorate his bedroom, making it a little more grown up. We had a lot of fun putting together new furniture and organizing his space. He loves it, which makes me one happy mama. This was the first of his gifts from me.

The second happened yesterday, a trip into the city of Toronto for a ride to the top of the CN Tower, and a visit to the Aquarium. A few weeks ago I asked Reece to choose a friend to join us for a special day I had planned. He of course wanted to know more about this special day, but I managed to sidetrack his questions and keep it a surprise. He picked a friend, I chatted with his friend's mom, and before I knew it both mama and child were joining us for the day.

We met at the train station, and headed into the city for the day. And what a day it was! So much fun for my little man and his friend. I so enjoyed watching the two of them interact and enjoy the tourist attractions the city of Toronto has to offer. It was nice to have another mom with me too, to chat with, hang with, and just enjoy the day with.

I love giving experience gifts. We have everything we need, and Reece really doesn't need anything, so giving him an experience, a memory he can hold in his heart for the years to come, feels like a good choice. I will remember the excitement in the elevator as we rode to the top of the CN Tower. I will remember him reaching out for my hand as we stood on the glass floor looking down. I will remember the joy in his eyes when he touched a stingray. I will remember a day with friends, celebrating the most amazing little man I know.

As we snuggled in bed last night, I asked Reece what he will remember about our day. He thought for a minute, and answered...everything.

10/12

A photo of my little man, once a month, on the last day of each month, in 2016

Reece, as I sit here staring at this photo of you, I am in awe of the amazing little man you are. I am honoured to know you, to walk with you, to be the person you call mommy. I love spending my days with you, learning and growing right beside you, it is a blessing for both of us, and I am so happy we have been able to make it work. This month I have sat with you as you read to me, sounding out the words, checking in to see if you are right. I have watched as you sit with pen and paper writing, talking to yourself as you do. We have worked through some frustrations in math, and I am filled with joy at night when you tell me before bed how much you love numbers. We are learning together, growing together and changing together. Together, little man, together we can do anything. I love you sweet boy, and I am so very proud of you. 

Community Supported Herbalism

I am so very excited to announce a new project at Life at Nature's Pace...Community Supported Herbalism, or as many call it CSH. Much like a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture), a CSH offers the community a selection of herbal remedies and other homemade products through shares offered at various times during the year, and it allows us to share our love of plants, and plant medicine with people who are striving for a deeper connection to this earth, and community.

This is a project I have been thinking about for a while, and I decided it was time to jump in and give it a go. This first year will be small, just nine shares offered, but if all goes well, I will expand and offer more in the future.

If you are interested in learning more, hop on over to Life at Nature's Pace for more information.

On a Chilly Sunday Morning

We had to dig out the hats and mitts for our Sunday morning hike, but goodness it was worth it. The beauty of Mother Nature drew us in, the wind whispered to us, and the chilly air left us with rosy cheeks. Honestly, I can't think of a better way to spend a Sunday morning with my little man.

Have a beautiful start to your week, my friends.

Ten Things

One
I am a morning person, always have been. I love mornings. I rise early, around 5am, and three mornings a week head straight for my mat for yoga and meditation, usually Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I leave Tuesday and Thursday mornings open for whatever I am in the mood for...reading, knitting, writing, watching the sunrise, and so on. But all that changed a few weeks ago when I began listening to podcasts instead, and now I am hooked. I make a cup of coffee, sit back with my journal and hit play. I take notes, I learn, and best of all, I am inspired. It is the most amazing way to start the day, and a new rhythm that will be a part of Tuesday and Thursday mornings for the foreseeable future.

Two
Speaking of new rhythms, there has been a slight change to our bedtime rhythm around here....a new addition to the flow of our evening. My little man now reads to me. Oh yes, he does. After we finish up his bath, we snuggle up in his bed and he reads to me. He is a new reader, so a few pages from an early reader is enough for now, and then I read to him, before we do our questions and turn out the lights. I am thrilled at this addition to our bedtime rhythm and listening to him read, goodness, it is so darn sweet.

Three
Our homestead is busy this year, with kiddos joining us every day during the week on our learning journey. As many of you know my little man's friend has joined us in our homeschooling adventures for the last three years, and it as been truly amazing to have her here and to be a part of her learning journey. In late spring, early summer a few families approached me about their kiddos joining us here as well, and before I knew it kiddos were lined up to join us every day. It is a wonderful opportunity for my little man, to have both new and old friends here, learning alongside him.  For me, it is amazing to have kiddos here every day to share in our days. It makes my heart happy to have them here, and I feel honoured to play a small role in their learning journey. I am so grateful for all the families that trust me to hold space for their children in this way.

Four
My shop has been updated...just a tiny plug. Thanks for checking it out.

Five
Twinkle lights and candlelight...need I say more, okay, maybe a few words. Dark mornings, and short days means it's time for twinkle lights and candles around here. They both provide a warm glow, and a solace that I welcome this time of year.

Six
As the season shifts outside things begin to shift in the kitchen too. Soups, curries, stews, baking, and more have been happening in the kitchen around here. I love that my meal plan shifts with the seasons, and that my body craves different foods with each season.

Seven
In a few short weeks my little man will be eight (!!!!!!!!). Just how did that happen? When I sit back and think about it I am in shock at how fast the last eight years have gone. I have done my best to be present, mindful and in the moment, and still I look back and wonder where has the time gone. It has gone too fast, much too fast. And with that realization I am focused on soaking up the next eight years as best as I can with my little man.

Eight
The new chicks are laying. Every afternoon I head out to the run and coop and find little eggs here and there. It's like an egg hunt every day. Blue eggs, green eggs, brown eggs and white. One in the corner, four under the coop, another laying right in the middle of the run. It's funny, for now, but I hope they get their act together and pick a nesting box soon.

Nine
The garden has pretty much been put to sleep for the winter. Most of the beds have been tidied, and leaves have fallen, giving them a nice cover for the winter. There are still a few beds to clean up, and more leaves to pile on, but nothing that can't be accomplished over the next few weeks and before the snow flies. As I put the beds to sleep for the winter my mind has been thinking about next year and mapping out plans. I am not totally sure yet, but I think I will grow a little less food next summer in favour of growing some more herbs, particularly medicinal herbs. I love making medicine, and think I would enjoy using a bit more space and time to grow more herbs. It isn't for sure yet, but it's a big thought in my head right now, and I will mull it over throughout the winter and see what comes of it.

Ten
I am loving this point in my life right now. I am holding space for myself, I am feeling comfortable in my own skin, and I am living life on my own terms. I have done a little dating, something I haven't done in twenty four years, and goodness how things have changed. It's a whole new scene out there, it's kinda fun, and kinda tough. Right now, I am single, and not dating anyone, and it feels right, for now. I recently said to a friend that I am alone, but the truth is I am far from alone. With the most amazing tribe of women around me, a family that has been so very supportive, loving and understanding, and friends from across the globe that check in on me via email and handwritten notes, I am far from alone. I am single, and loving it. I am a single mama, and loving it. But I am not alone. Yes, being single, and being a single mama, has it's challenges, but honestly, right now it feels just right for where I am on this journey.

Holding Space

Holding space is an act of love. It is the act of giving your entire being and presence to another person. It's the holding of a container in which another feels comfortable and safe sharing their pain, their loss, their story. We all do it. We all, at one time or another, have held space for another, opened our hearts to them and their story, sharing the gift of our presence, but how often do we hold space for ourselves? How often do we show that same compassion, love and open heart to ourselves?

I can speak from experience here, as I am sure many of you also can, and say that we don't do it that often.
We don't offer ourselves the same compassion, love and open heart we gift to others. I am not going to ask you why, because it is a question I have asked myself many times over the last few months. This question has been an ongoing conversation in my head, and within the pages of my journal. I have yet to understand or form any kind of concrete thoughts as to why, but I have made a decision. A decision to hold space for myself. To show myself the same compassion, love and open heart I would show a friend. It means that instead of beating myself up as I fall asleep at night because I didn't live up to my own expectations, I offer myself grace, and tell myself that I am human, I make mistakes, and tomorrow I have a chance to try again. It is what I would tell a friend, I bet you would too, but have you ever told it to yourself?

It means I have a lot of self talk going on in my head all the time, to remind myself to be kind, kind to me. To let my heart split wide open, to let the tears flow, to let the joy creep back in and to be okay with any feeling that enters my being. To let each one find a place to reside, for a while, and then let it go. So much has passed through me in the last twelve months and I haven't always held space for myself. I haven't offered myself the same compassion, love and open heart I would have offered a friend. In some ways I regret that, but I am also happy to recognize it now, and to begin holding space for myself. It feels good, in a way I never could have imagined, and it has allowed me to say yes to me, and create some boundaries to protect myself and my space.

Holding space for myself this weekend meant taking time to walk in the woods. To connect with the stunning beauty of autumn. To lose myself in the colour of the trees, and the blueness of the sky. To listen to the wind as it moved through the leaves, sending messages forth that I hope I heard clearly. The forest was my container for these few hours. It held me, it showed me compassion and love, and opened it's heart to me, and in turn I did the same for myself. As I did, I felt lighter, I felt free, and I felt the warmth of my heart as it cracked open wide, full of compassion and love for myself.

Tell me, friends, do you consciously hold space for yourself? How?